|Story editor||Tom Minton|
|Animation studio||Sunwoo Entertainment|
|Episode 76: Season 2, Episode 11|
|Date||November 16, 1991|
|⇦ Index ⇨|
Going Nowhere Fast is an episode.
Negaduck zaps Darkwing with a particle accelerator, unknowingly giving him super speed. DW accidentally discovers his newfound abilities when Gosalyn falls from a tree and Darkwing runs through the entire neighborhood to save her in the same time it should have taken to move just a few steps..
Unfortunately, his newfound powers come with a critical flaw: Accelerated Aging. As Negaduck runs rampant through the city, Darkwing quickly degenerates into old age as a side effect of showing off.
Eventualy, Decrepit Darkwing's condition forces Gosalyn, Honker, and Launchpad to fight Negaduck in his stead, which only leads to their being captured, forcing DW out of rocking-chair retirement to save them. He discovers, thanks to Honker, that running bckwards will temporarily reverse the affects of the accelerator, thus regaining his youth by undoing everything he has done. Until Negaduck again zaps him with the accelerator, seemingly destroying Darkwing.
Darkwing then reappears, explaining that when he was again accelerated, his thinking was "sped up" as well, and that he had earned, in seconds, Ph.D's in Molecular Biology and Chemical Engineering with Dr's Allen and Garrick before delivering a paper in Switzerland, setting up his own apparent destruction with a misdirect, and drinking the antedote and curing himself of the accelration once and for all.
DW then also tricks Negaduck into drinking a "Slow Motion potion" also concocted at superspeed, which freezes the negative villain in his tracks (or at least slows him to the point that he seems frozen). The end of the episode finds Negaduck a statue in the park.
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- ""You see, Gosalyn? I told you this was a bad idea! Why can't you you just keep your money in a piggybank like other kids?"
- "Piggybanks don't compound their interest daily."
- — Drake and Gosalyn on money management.
- "I am the screeching fingernail on the chalkboard of justice! I am the sour ball in the candy jar of goodness! I am Negaduck!"
- — Negaduck.
- "This accelerator will speed up all the molecules in the safe, allowing me to walk inbetween and nab the loot. Either that or blow up the entire city. Heh, whatever, it will be a blast!"
- — Negaduck.
- "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the Heimlich maneuver for the choking victims of crime!"
- "Well, choke on this, do-gooder!"
- — Darkwing.
- "Honker, have you made any progress on helping dad?"
- "Look, Gosalyn, I'm only nine years old. Molecular biology is a little over my head!"
- "Well, let's go get the thing that made dad fast and then you can figure it out."
- "Well, I guess particle beam physics is more my speed."
- — Gosalyn and Honker, Round I.
- "Actually, Einstein advanced a controversial theory of walking backwards as a way of regaining one's lost youth."
- "Why didn't you tell us about it earlier?"
- "Well, Einstein said it during his later years, when he wore wristwatches on both ankles and claimed Abe Lincoln was a Martian."
- — Honker and Gosalyn, Round II.
- Dr's Allen and Garrick use the same models as Dr's Larson and Gary, who were call-outs to Gary Larson's Far Side cartoon in "Beauty and the Beet".
- Doctors Allen and Garrick are nods to DC Comics "The Flash" Barry Allen and Jay Garrick.
- Honker states that he is nine, meaning that prior to "Life, the Negaverse and Everything", which features his birthday, he was eight.